Evening!

As 2020 slowly approaching the end, so is my Manchester Diary. I know I will be back here for at least few weeks after Christmas, but at the moment I think, this might be one of the last weeks.

Overall, the week has been rather intense emotionally for me, a lot was happening work wise and family wise. I wish I was a bit more cheerful now, at the moment of writing, because well, it was not as depressing as I make it to be now. But yea.. This job has shown me a lot of my weaknesses as well as strengths and as much as it was not the easiest ride, I am glad I did it. As my mom told me in one of our conversations this week, I feel like I fulfilled my quota of “difficult” so the new chapter can begin.

Hope all of you are holding on well! Christmas is just around the corner and I don’t think I ever waited for the New Years as much as the ones to come.

Here is to making through the last weeks of 2020 in peace!

***

Monday. Ah the lucky 13. We are back at the studio this week. Same place where we started the whole job, but now with brand new sets built. It was nice and warm, everything was easily accessible and technically the day could have been going well. I say technically, because after the wrap was call, this was not my feeling. Just one of those day, where it was really hard to detach myself from the surroundings and the stress which was all around due to everything going very slow. Well, my friends – shooting in a room full of mirrors, even if it is a set, with a steady cam, aka walking camera is very tricky. I think we did about 9 takes of the very first shot and none of them were that particularly good, as either camera would be in the reflections, either the sound person, or the actors would fluff their lines. Yea, Covid aside this job is definitely not one of the easier ones.. Here is to the hoping that the outcome will be all worth it! As for me, I am in bed now, looking forward to passing out having done absolutely nothing after getting home from work, apart of showering and washing my hair. Glamour of the film industry is real. If any of you my dear readers ever consider joining this industry, think long and hard, if my day today life or more the lack of it, when on the job is something you would be ok with. OK, enough of my positivity, it’s time for bed and I wish you all the very best! Love!

Tuesday. Another day another battle. This sort of sums up today. The new fancy set I liked so much at first is causing a lot of delays. We haven’t completed the day and I came home to my smoke alarm announcing “low battery” every 5 minutes. I have no chair, let alone a ladder to reach the ceiling and turn it off until I find a way to power it up properly again. Yea… Not feeling too victorious today. In other news, it is going to be a Christmas jumper day at work this Friday, need to order mine and hopefully will have some more photo content for this weeks gallery instead of my hands and feet.

Wednesday. Home and in bed. Another day at the studio. Our youngest and least experienced actress did me proud. We had a lot of continuity for her today, as we picked up this scene from yesterday and later on another long dialogue scene where she was waving her hands all around in one shot. (It was a bit emotional, hence the hand gestures) I decided to take a bit of a motherly/teachers approach with her, explaining why in certain places she should do exactly the same action and.. drum roll.. she did it. I’ve noticed that whenever she knows the reason as to why I ask certain things of her she actually remembers. Well done girl! In my Christmas at home news, I got a text from my sister today, that Covid cases surged in the country overnight and now she thinks the homeland will shut its borders.. That’s a bit of a big news coming from her, as she was always so positive that it will not be a problem.. so now, honestly I do not know.. I have my flight booked for 21st of December, my landlord in Manchester knows that I am moving out and already has someone to replace me, so, once again, I have no idea where I am going to be in just over a week. I have no idea where I spend my Christmas or New Years, honestly I am like John Snow.. I know nothing. Well on this happy note I go to sleep, luckily my smoke alarm got fixed and I won’t be interrupted by beeping sounds followed by “battery low” all through the night again. Here is to some positive outcomes! Love!

Thursday. So, I have decided to do something new today and actually write a bit while at work. In reality I probably have too much time, as we have been setting up for this scene for a while now.. Also I have just found out that my dad and his whole family got Covid. OK. So I am back home now, after I have written those two sentences the pace of worked has picked up. Typical. So the news about my dad and the Covid situation back home has thrown me out a little. I just finished chatting to my mom and it seems that going home for Christmas might not be the wisest thing to do if I still plan to come back to the UK for work in early January. Hmm.. well all I can do now is “hmm” as everyday seems to be testing my positivity and honestly at times it really does feel like a battle to keep myself afloat. I need some good rest, food and human contact. Hopefully I can achieve those things soon. Ah yes also, just for the record, I had a zoom call with some Hollywood producers who are coming next year to shoot in London. They are planing a feature comedy for Netflix and it would be a bit of a new ground for me, since I haven’t done that size of a feature yet. Pretty exciting.

Friday. All things considered it was a good day at work. Christmas jumper day. Since I didn’t have one, my colleague lent me one of his. I was so happy. Honestly I thought that he will forget, but he didn’t and it was so so sweet. Work load wise it was a bit of a heavy day for me, also emotionally I was not feeling 100%. I am listening to “Shifting into freedom” by Loch Kelly at the moment and although it is not the easiest listen, I still feel better afterwards. This job has given me a lot of things to think about and reconsider as well as learn about myself. For that I am grateful.

Saturday. Morning pilates and.. no driving. My instructors car broke down, so not sure what’s gonna happen now, since that is the car I was practicing to take my test in. My dad with his family is very sick. Well my little sisters are rather ok, their mother too… kinda, but my dad is feverish, pale and in bed sleeping throughout the whole day, as I was told. He is stubborn and doesn’t want to see a doctor. He is also in his age now and the asthma I have, I got from him, although I don’t think he was ever diagnosed with it. I never had a very close relationship with him, for many different reasons, but honestly… one of those things I’ve learn now, is that, it really doesn’t matter. When there is a high chance that I might be loosing one of my parents the perspective shifts. I wish I didn’t care, because it wouldn’t hurt as much now.. Also for many years, I thought that I indeed didn’t care or more like I’ve learnt how not to care, but it seems that it’s not true. As much as I’ve tried to push any feelings towards him away, I now see, that I didn’t succeed. I feel all the childish hopes for love and needs of approval from him just like before.. So yes children, don’t burry your pain away, feel it through and let it show you the way out. The way out into the world without it.

Sunday. Just finished doing my little Christmas shopping for those who are in the same country with me. Otherwise the day was rather slow, was catching up with my mom and sister again, did laundry and had a morning pilates class. My body feels sore, but happy. One more week and we get 3 weeks off from work. I still don’t know what I am going to do, but no stress. Well I choose not to stress. It is easier when I am at home. I promise to write more work related stuff, I do realise I got a bit too soapy with my diary lately… Or you know what, look at my Bangkok diary, that was definitely more positive and more me, I’d like to feel again.

Highlights:

  • Shifting into freedom by Loch Kelly
  • My sisters online dating. Since she is the only source of romance in my life her dating victories feel like my victories. Also she has just booked a flight to go to Spain to meet this guy she has been talking with for a while. Exciting.
  • Mama. I am blessed with having her in my life.
  • Pilates.
  • My transport to and from work.
  • Friends and technology. 
  • My agents!! 

Cheers with a glass of meditating to stay aware elephant!