This week I did not take a single photo with my camera.
I was feeling all sorts of worries, ups and downs. Adjusting to a new place is always a bit tricky. The coldness of Europe does not help. The book I am reading is also a bit too melancholic for my current mental state. Anyway, I know I have a lot to be grateful for, but there is a but and I cannot put a finger on it. So I just take this feeling and think that perhaps I should just let it be. Perhaps one can not always be ecstatic.
Sending you all big love.
2 weeks down 3+ to go.
Monday. First day of shoot. Or so I thought.. As I arrived to set today and was exploring the base through the very heavy mist I have noticed way too many producers standing in the said mist. I knew there must be something going on. Few hours later my suspicions got confirmed. We got stood down for the day, because our director tested positive for covid. Not the first time it happens on a job, but certainly the first when it happened before we even turned over. I was a little sad and uneasy as a result, but after talking to my mom and then Lukas I cheered up. There is no pint to worry about something I cannot change of course, but I do wonder what the repercussions of this are going to be.
Tuesday. Today I woke up with the orange light of the raising sun streaming through my bedroom window. That was something. AND I went to work. It was an incredibly busy day doing vfx stuff. I was exhausted by the end of it and frankly glad that tomorrow we are not shooting. I am hoping that other days will be easier than today.
Wednesday. I was tired and a bit grumpy. Had no decent food at home and this general lack of knowing what the future holds gave me worries. I talked to my mom a lot and Margarita. Also had a call with my agent and sent some emails, so the day was actually rather productive even if I have not left my flat. Ah yes I booked myself into a pilates class tomorrow. This is something I am doing for my mental health rather than just physical. I need some outside of work contact!
Thursday. The morning was slow and I was still moody. BUT the moment I finished my pilates class which was on Cadillac as well as reformer I was so happy. It was such a good idea to do it. Also I stumbled across a shop which had Lithuanian food in it. Ahh! Was so happy! Oh by the way, one of the reasons I was moody is because I saw my draft schedule for the next 3 weeks and because of this covid incident we will now be filming without any Saturdays. Straight up 6 day weeks for the rest of this episode. Grrr.. Luckily I figured out the plan after my pilates endorphins kicked in how I can still make it to London. Now I will just start visualising it as well.
Friday. Woke up and had a call with Ruta. Had emails and laundry to do. Wild Friday night. Gathering my strength for the upcoming weeks of intense filming. It was sunny today, but by the time I was ready to go out the darkness came. Ah European winters I am so not used to that anymore. Spent some time researching possible trips and holidays somewhere warm. Plane tickets got so expensive in comparison to what it was few years ago.
Saturday. Woke up late and had a morning call with Ruta again. She is going through some relationship drama with her boyfriend back home. On another line I had Margarita who is also going through some bed bugs drama on her travels in Portugal. A little funny to be listening to them both when being in Budapest with seemingly no drama of my own. Kinda nice to feel needed and involved just before I start my 3 weeks of hell at work. I had a pilates class today which felt good. Moving in familiar ways in a new place always recharges me. Good day overall.
Sunday. Woke up late. Slept in actually. Had a weird dream that I am on a job starting a second season of something and all male characters in the story got killed off. Then all of my male colleagues at work also got laid off. I remember feeling bad for all of them and questioning the decisions made by production. So in this mood I got out of bed and started my day which was really, just having my very Keto breakfast. The rest is once again just working on preserving my energy. Feeling a little down and bored actually. I blame the weather and being all alone in the new place. `a lot of time to think about what I want and what I need to be happy. Looking forward to tomorrow and getting so immersed into work that I have no time to think about myself and just give into work life. Also a thought came yesterday: “how to enjoy a moment when I am utterly tired?” Is it even possible? Does our capacity of feeling joy decreases with our lack of energy? Dose that mean we can only truly be joyful when energised?
- Another week in Budapest.
- Friends on facetimes.
- Happy memories from previous travels.
- People who made a difference through out my time travelling.
Cheers with a glass full of thoughtful elephant.