The best diet is a fresh break up. (I don’t actually like diets, but I guess I don’t like breaks up either)
Ok. My diet is not so fresh in this case, but I guess it is fresh enough for me to write about it.
For as long as I remember I had this unconscious strategy to deal with things which hurt me. When I was a kid I remember peeing my pans and telling myself not to worry about it, because in few years I won’t remember it. Well it has been 20+ and I still do. However I think it was then, when I realised that things which I don’t remember can’t hurt me and as a result I won’t feel bad about it.
Now a disclaimer. In no way I’m saying that it is a best way to deal with heartaches, because it is certainly not a healthy way to do it. I did it, I lived it and I confirm that it is certainly not the right way to deal with your issues. Every heartbreak deserves to be remembered and felt, now I just don’t give it so much power over me.
I used the same strategy with most of my heartaches. I am not proud of it now, but as an immigrant living alone in a foreign country I had a perfect opportunity to practise it on a daily basis. I missed my family a lot and I knew I could not be with them, because I had to study, work and so on. So every time I would start feeling homesick or missing my mom I would try and deliberately think of something else. It helped that I usually worked two jobs, so my mind was busy or tired most of the time anyway, but this is how I got into a habit of deliberately changing my train of thought and as a result my feelings to something else. Again I am not proud of deliberately shutting down thoughts about my mom. (She is the one person I want to make proud in this world)
So as you might have guessed. Having this strong habit / skill in my ammunition I though that it is a great way to deal with heartbreaks too. So it all began… (Da da dammmm.)
Ok. I am not a serial dater nor do I fall inlove easily, but I had moments in my life especially when I was fresh in London where I was hurt badly and I completely blacked it out of my life to the point where I can’t remember his name.
Anyway, where is this all going.
So recently I went through a break up where I really though I won’t ever go. This time I decided to finally “grow up” and do the right thing and feel all the pain and take all his pain and grow stronger from it. I’m pretty proud of myself for that, although it definitely takes longer to heal than my forgetting about his existence technique. (I am writing about it here)
How did I do it? Another technique I guess. I sort of copied it form “how I met your mother”. I write down why I think the break up is a good idea and once I settle on it I make sure I never contact the ex ever again. (Da da dammm) well it is not that dramatic, obviously in some cases being in contact with your ex is inevitable because well we live in a same city and it is small or we work in a same place and so on. (Both cases happened to me in the past) But here I introduce another technique. You see now when we date we do a lot of talking via text messages, so every time I would feel like texting an ex saying something I should not say for our mutual benefit, I write it out in “notes” in my phone. And yes I had some folders where I was afraid to look, but a lot of them disappeared with a new iOS update, so thank you apple. I think it is a sign to move on.
Cheers with a glass of elephant.