“In the world were you can be anything, be kind”
“You get the love, you think you deserve. You get the life you think you deserve”
I am happy, my life is perfect. Especially if I look at it as an onlooker. What should I write about if everything seems to be just in a right place at the right time, always. I tend to say that I am very lucky, I am of course, but it did not always feel this way. Have I become lucky, because at some point I chose to say that I was, or I was born this way, but did not notice that straight away? Or do I feel lucky, because I chose to see all those things which made me lucky in the first place?
I really should be sleeping right now as it is 4am and I just set my alarm for 10am.
I want to lead by example, but the more I think about it, the more I come to realise that one example cannot apply to everybody. All I ever known from an early age was, that I wanted to help people. Help through my experience, to show that it is your approach on life what matters more that the cards you were dealt at birth. Being as critical of myself as I am, now I start to think that perhaps I was dealt a pretty good hand, so how would my life experience be of any use or inspiring to anyone at all? As I write this I think that I should also write about the different chapters in my life I had to go through, for the fresh perspective, because when all is well, I tend to forget the parts of my path which were less exciting than the one I am on now. Also I think it is important to remember where you come from and who you are. Not in a wishful thinking kind of way, but with the harsh reality of all the “bad” traits as well as the “good” ones I undoubtedly have.
About 10 years ago I watched this film called “The Secret” and one of the things which really stuck with me from that time was, the phrase; that no matter what circumstances you are in at the moment, you brought it on yourself, consciously or unconsciously. It was a big thing for me then, because I was sick, pretty suicidal and most of it I blamed on the lack of love from my father. It took me years to come out from the other end and to genuinely feel at peace with my relationship or lack of it with my dad. As an adult I started seeing things from a more grown up perspective and some things my dad did, I seem to understand much better now. I don’t necessarily like them, but I do understand where he was coming from and as time goes by, I notice some of his traits in me, which I so desperately tried to fight for the majority of my young adult life. Somehow acknowledging my “bad” traits made me feel free to choose, whether I want to act on them or try and control them. Every now and again I come face to face with them, but since I know they are there, I no longer avoid them, I just tell them to shut up, as I would to a real life person.
What does it have to do with the desire to help people? Well I do not know exactly. I just know that when I was growing up I felt pretty much alone in my thinking. My older, healthier and a better daughter to my dad / sister was nothing like me, we did not share the same outlook on life, her experience of our family was completely different. I looked up to her, I cared a lot about her opinion of me, of my friends, of most of the things I did. I suppose it happens with siblings. I now understand that it was absolutely natural and of course I don’t hold any grudges against her. Perhaps thats were I am lucky, my brain does not hold grudges, I find it easy to let go and forget. Quite literally, I tend to forget things or people which hurt me, it is a big blessing.
Probably one of the things I would love to be able to pass on to somebody is the ability to forgive and forget. But for now, what I am trying to say is, that I am here for anybody who can relate. We are unique individual snowflakes, but some experiences or feelings we have are not that different from the next snowflake in the storm and it is not a bad thing. Realising that can only make us stronger. After all, a bunch of snowflakes can make a pretty decent snowman, or at least a snowball.
Cheers with the glass full of elephant and snowflakes.