Hello!

It is a Monday morning in my side of the world and technically I should be at work, starting the 3d week of filming. Well, reality is slightly different. A lot has happened during the past week and emotionally it does feel like a rollercoaster similar to the one I was on in March. 

Well to summarize, I am currently in self isolation and will be for the next 9 days at least. My colleague aka my flatmate tested positive last week and we were both taken out of work to self isolate together. It still doesn’t make sense to me, but I got tired of arguing. My work did not seem prepared to deal with situation like this and after promising me a minion things did nothing about it and just left me be. I know I should be understanding, since we are working during the pandemic, but I think I care about my health a bit more than this project.

As of Friday the show is standing down until Thursday, because more cases have emerged. The rest of the crew are being tested today and if more cases come up the whole job will stand down for the next two weeks, or worse case scenario, be shut down altogether.

My agents have been the only light at the end of the tunnel here for me really. Checking in on me everyday and basically saying that they can get me out of this job onto something else if I wanted to. I am not sure I want to, but I might not have a choice. 

I think the hardest part of this ordeal is the fact that I cannot talk to my mom about it. I know she would go crazy out of worry for me, so I am trying to protect her here. Is that what being an adult feels like? I am still getting used to being 30 and all.

Anyway. So far I have no Covid symptoms and that’s the best thing really. Stay safe and healthy! All to you all!

This is how I got here:

Monday. After a rather nice weekend, a very nice start of the day. Feeling pretty chatty and happy. My mama called me up first thing in the morning to wish me happy birthday, it was so sweet. The day at work was a little on the difficult side or maybe I was just a little distracted from all the love I was getting on the phone and in person. Overall the day was nice. Due to new covid rules, my birthday cake was confiscated by the covid dude, but it’s the gesture which matters to me anyway, so I did not mind that much, just a shame I couldn’t share it with the team. In the evening we had a few cocktails with my flatmates and I passed out senseless, forgetting to set my alarm and all.

Tuesday. Luckily I woke up way before my alarm. Phew. Our last day in the studio today for some time. Pretty exciting as it kinda feels like we are finally getting on the road with this job. The day went pretty quick and we wrapped an hour early. That’s pretty unheard of. The cast so far has been super lovely and professional. Honestly, I am surprised I feel this way, as it seems not that long ago I saw actors as annoying children. My conscious efforts to grow to love them seem to be paying off, or maybe I am just lucky to be working with the nice ones. Who knows. All in all, the day was good and I even managed to have a conference call with my mama and sister. What a treat! Full of love and after the hot shower I did some online shopping for the keto snacks and went to sleep.

Wednesday. Later start today. Instead of the usual 8am to 6pm we are doing 11am to 11pm. That meant that I had a free morning to attend my new favourite pilates apparatus class. It did not disappoint. I took a taxi both ways and was home in time for a quick shower and the drive to work. It’s our first day doing exteriors and everyone was running around being busy, setting things up. Due to the nature of my job it was rather relaxed start for me. Well, everything was going very well, until the producer took me aside to say that our Covid test results we did on Monday came back and my flatmate who is the 3AD on the job has tested positive and because we live under the same roof I also have to leave the set for the day. I was told that they will sort out my accommodation and get me out of the contagious house asap. Well, after a number of calls back and forth they have decided that they have to follow the government guidelines and make me self isolate with the flatmate who tested positive, even though my test result was negative.

Thursday. I did not sleep very well. I am trying to think through all the positive outcomes here and why this has happened to us, but then it is just what it is. I am a bit hurt that the production don’t seem to care about my wellbeing at all it seems. Luckily my flatmate said that I don’t have to pay any rent while I self isolate with her. Honestly I am just hoping that I do not get sick, because I did have asthma as a child, so who knows how Covid may effect me. Also if my flatmate will test positive again after her 10 days isolation it means that I have to keep isolating as well. Vicious cycle really. I hope she doesn’t and it will all work out, but also I feel like I might need to find somewhere else to live anyway, just so I would not be tied up with somebody else on the same job. But then again, it could have happened anywhere, unless I had my own private accommodation. I talked to my agents and they were very sweet, however they said that now I have to take each day as it comes and see what’s happening. I really feel like my positive mindset is being tested here. After I have written that, I decided to make myself happy and finally made that Keto Carbonara, put on one of David Attenborough shows about the planet and tried to relax. I also made a post online to find a new place to live and had a lot of responses. I might have found a perfect place, all private for a very good price, now all I need is someone to help me to check it out and get the keys, before any money transferring.

Friday. So my midnight anxiety is back. I call it that, because it only comes when I am trying to sleep. I had at the begging of the lockdown too, when I was self isolating with my sister. It seemed that during the day I was fine and reasonable, but when the time was to go to bed, my heart would start beating out of my chest. As I am writing it, I am ok again, it is midday and I can’t remember the last time I have been spending whole days in my pyjamas. I think apart of everything what has happened, the hardest part is not being able to talk to my mom. I did not tell her my current situation, as I know she would have a fit out of worry for me (and by fit I mean a real one as she is epileptic). Yea it is all once again very unnerving, as I do not know what the future holds, will I be able to return to work, will I have to leave this job and go somewhere else. No idea. For now in my late night sleepless google search I have discovered that legally someone who is considered to be clinically vulnerable to Covid (aka my childhood asthma) can move during their self isolation period. So this is my goal now. I know once I move out I will be able to sleep better and finally talk to my mom about all this. So this is my priority, right now. 

Saturday. I had a relatively good sleep. Perhaps drops of CBD oil helped. Also I watched The Greatest Showman for the first time last night and it did cheer me up. The making of gave me all those warm being back at work feelings. I do love my job a lot… I have told to the owner of the flat I wanted to move into, that I am in self isolation and he disappeared. Lesson learned – people don’t want to rent to potential Covid carriers. On that “happy note” we also found out that the whole show is standing down until Thursday next week. The whole team will be tested on Monday and it will be decided after whether Thursday is doable to come back. There were also rumours that the whole show might be shut down until further notice. It gives me massive March flashbacks when everything got shut down for me while working in Bangkok. Crazy times we live in. Well on the other hand I do not have any Covid symptoms it seems, so maybe I’ll manage to evade it all together even when living with an active case. Mind you, I do not leave my room. I completed most of my agenda for today, which was shower and food, so the evening is free for positive and uplifting movies, do send me recommendations! 🙂

Sunday. My thought for today is – no matter how good the things are, it can always get better. The process of getting better might not necessarily seem that great at first, but as with a lot of things, we tend to see the value of something once we loose it. So yea, I was really enjoying being in Manchester on this job surrounded by awesome people working with the story I really like. Now it is all on pause and I am just thinking, I was so happy already, what more could I want? And actually there is always something more to be desired. I think one of the biggest lessons of 2020 for me is learning to live in the moment, enjoying it fully, so when it is gone, I would have no regrets or longing. Yea I really need to learn how not to feel longing for the good days that have passed. Today on the agenda – I will be making Keto pizzas and I have arranged to watch a movie with my friend on zoom today. Thank you for the technology!!

Highlights:

  • Birthday at work! All the love in person and over the phone ❤
  • Work work work. Good while it lasted.
  • Technology, which helps me to stay sane and in touch with people.
  • My negative Covid test result and no symptoms while living with someone who tested positive.
  • Keto snacks.

Cheers with a glass full of self isolating elephant!