So the limbo. The time in my life where I don’t quite have a definite plan for the week ahead. I might know where I start the week, but not where I end it.

Hi guys,

So I didn’t really know what was happening so I had to take a pause. The path seems way simpler after you have walked it, but yes this was a bit of a confusing time in my life where I really felt that weight of 2 suitcases and no home. All good now though, but I must say, mental health really takes a beating in the time like this. Luckily I had pilates to keep my body in tact at least.

Hope all is well with you! Sending you a big love from Rome!

***

Week 1: Norway, Denmark, Lithuania, Italy.

Monday. The whole day of travel from Fosnavåg in Norway to Vilnius in Lithuania. 3 flights 1 hour each and about 12 hours of total travel. It all went well actually, way better than expected. I was traveling with one of my colleagues as she lives close to Copenhagen and my flight was via it. To be honest I like hanging out in airports, the atmosphere there is so special. Exciting and uplifting. 

Tuesday. I dedicated today to get vaccinated. I had an appointment and everything, but it’s not my time it seems, well literally I was told I can’t do it, because I need to wait at least 150 days after having covid. But the good news I finally managed to register my out of EU recovery from covid and now have the EU travel certificate! Woohoo. Also without it in Lithuania you really can’t do much as every mall and shop asks for the so called green pass aka passport of possibilities. Honestly it felt very odd and gave me strong hunger games vibes. But since I didn’t get the vaccine I was feeling ok today and just chilled for the rest of the day with the box of donuts.

Wednesday. I woke up with the sun seeping through the windows of my hotel room. Kinda like in the romantic movies. Big white bed, sunlight, peaceful music playing in the background. I made myself a coffee from the Nespresso machine I have here, got a donut I still have left from the day before and sat on my balcony overlooking the capital, watching the city coming out of the morning mist. There was a bit of the wintery chill in the air, but the trees and the ground is still covered in the golden autumn leaves. It is actually so so beautiful. I had laser treatments booked later in the day. My usual studio moved to the new location, which looked very fancy. I ended up doing more than I booked in for, basically removing bruises from my face, neck and chest which I got from doing the job in Morocco and working through the sandstorms and extreme heat. Now that a bit more time has passed it is actually crazy to think that a job can literally damage you like that. I stand with our brothers and sister in the US – demand your rights and may you be victorious. Ah yes I visited my mom today. She is all recovered and returning to work tomorrow. I got a present from the family for my late birthday, it’s a bracelet with a clover charm and a heart clasp saying family on it. I love my family it is such a sweet memento to have from them.

Thursday. I overslept. Had a brow appointment at 11am and only opened my eyes at that time and oh my goodness what I saw.. my face looked swollen like it had never been before. I genuinely looked like I had fillers go wrong.. Last time I had this treatment I was slightly bruised, but now, just Wau! I mean all I could do was just laugh how ridiculous I looked. I ended up postponing my appointment and went to sort out my nails before that. Finally I look like the grown up I am minus the face. Oh yes I also had an interview at 8pm with the director for the Berlin job. It went well and I actually liked the guy, very driven and seems to know things having come from the camera department. So let’s see what happens now. Luckily my plump cheeks looked better on camera as it flattens the picture. Also a friend of mine came over and we had a very girly deep chat. 

Friday. Super lazy morning. My friend stayed over and we had a rather cosy morning, shame the weather was very depressing so no nice views like the other day. My swelling went down, not fully but that’s a good start. I was eagerly waiting to hear from the PM from the Berlin job today so I would know more or less when they might want me to fly over so I’d know how long to extend my hotel room for. He did not get back to me in time so I ended up extending extra night which was very overpriced. My sister had her baby scan today and it looks so cute, she said it was bouncing in her belly during the ultrasound, so sweet. Also I was chatting to my mom being a bit annoyed by my unresolved situation with Berlin and she just said “why don’t you go to Rome, you are paying for hotel anyway, might as well do it there and have a holiday” I’m blessed with an adventurous and a very very supportive mom. At first I hesitated, cause I haven’t done my laundry, yes.. dull reason not to catch a flight, but yes I rushed to the laundrette as it was closing on midnight and while it was all spinning my mind was doing the same in terms of logistics and so on.

Saturday. Eventful day so to say. I checked out of my fancy apartment in my usual hotel in Vilnius and now I am on route to Rome via Istanbul. What I want to say is just how grateful I am for the fact that I can travel again spontaneously. I literally bought this flight at 3am and was departing Lithuania at midday. No test no hassle with my paper of proof that I had covid. Now that I have the digital EU certificate it was just so smooth. Almost like good old days if it wasn’t for the additional passenger locator form. I don’t know yet how long I will stay in Rome for or what exactly I will be doing, but I know I will come up with something. Last time I visited Rome it was probably 6 years ago with my Lithuanian boyfriend and we were on a very tight budget, which eventually resulted in a bit of drag and no, I don’t mean to say that being on a budged you can’t have a good time, but in this case it was the attitude towards the budget which was worse. I think if you have mentality of constant lack, that’s what you will feel. Anyway, life is an adventure.

Sunday. I thought I will wake up not quite sure where I am, but no, I was well aware that I am in Rome. I have chose to stay at the hotel close to the coliseum. I have had a fascination with it ever since I was a child. Having it pretty much right outside feels bizarre yet very very exciting. My Roman friend picked me up from the airport last night and we went out for dinner, which was so so good. Oysters and seafood platters, just like we talked in Norway. He is very passionate about food, it’s an Italian thing I guess, but still I love when people radiate passion whatever it is for. We had a nice stroll through the night Rome and it was such a nice way to settle in. Perhaps that’s why today it didn’t feel odd being here at all

Week 2: Rome

Monday. Pilates in the morning. Such a good class!! A long stroll through Rome, visiting all the sites I wanted to see. Had a nice carbonara with a glass of wine. Still no news about Berlin. Uncertainty gives me anxiety.. But the Thailand job has been asking about me so that’s something. 

Tuesday. Woke up grumpy as I had a weird dream. Extended my hotel by an extra night. Went for pilates and felt much better afterwards. My instructor is really something. She is funny yet so so on point. We did studio practice today and I felt so stretched out. The rest of the day I was relaxing and waiting to hear about my deal with the Berlin job. It seems that the deal memo has been agreed on, but no details bout travel yet. Had a long call with my mom and it turned out my mom had a similar dream of me as I had of her last night, isn’t it weird??

Wednesday. Slept in today. Extended my hotel until Friday and then got the confirmation from Berlin job that they want me to travel to Berlin next week Friday. Life on a road feels a little less stressful when I can plan at least a week in advance. Had a long zoom call with this young guy who got my contacts from one of the directors I worked with. As it turned out we graduated from the same university in London and he wanted some advice on making it in the film industry. He seems smart and motivated, always glad to help the new generation. In the late afternoon went for a walk by the river to Vatican. As I was sitting there a man who looked a lot like De Niro approached me and we ended up chatting about religion, philosophy and art as he is a musician and a philosopher. Was really interesting and a little sad as I think he is all alone in the world with his last family member – brother passing away last week.He has traveled all his life he said a bit like me. Somehow it hit a bit of a note with me.

Thursday. Pilates in the morning. I would come back to Rome just for this trainer honestly, she is fantastic. OK, so today was my official first day of prep on the Berlin job. I spent the day reading the scripts and you know, they are very good, but dark. Got me thinking dark thoughts. 

Friday. A tragedy hit our industry. A colleague was shot by misfired prop gun on set yesterday. I just don’t have words to describe how it feels to be honest, that’s just unthinkable and very very scary.

Saturday. I had an early night last night. My Roman friend picked me up with his scooter and we drove around Rome, had food, few drinks and even bumped into a girlfriend of our main actor in Norway. He is Italian so no much surprise to see her in Rome, but still.

Sunday. Woke up late to the beautiful day. Feeling tired actually and mostly mentally. I do not know how to cope with myself when I do not work it seems. I have those weird ups and downs. Everything seems great really, but feels so heavy on the mind. I watched Italian movie in the evening. “The great beauty”, last time I saw it I was still at uni. Beautiful film to watch especially when in Rome.

Highlights:

  • Being at home.
  • EU travel certificate.
  • Being able to travel easily and spontaneously.
  • Rome.
  • Living next to the Coliseum.
  • Pilates!!
  • Berlin job confirmed.

Cheers with a glass full of very much moving elephant.