Welcome to my last entry from the grey cold Lithuania. It has been another weird week with the war and all. Somehow I managed to shift my mind to think just about the present day and if the day is going well then it is ok. It is definitely a process and I get moments of guilt that I do not deserve to feel peace when there are people sheltering under bridges in their bathrooms or cellars while the aggressor keeps bombing them all the while sharing the information that it is their own citizens bombing themselves. Shocking. BUT one day at a time.
I took a number of walks this week to commemorate my city in case it is not there when I return. It was nice to deliberately pay attention to the things I find pretty again. As you will see those things are sometimes just weird shadows, colour patters, different textures, symmetry and other little things which you wouldn’t normally see if you were walking past quickly.
I sincerely hope that all of you are safe and sound and healthy. Appreciate every day.
Monday. My mom had a surgery appointment at 7 am this morning. I went with her. They didn’t let me stay, because of covid. I went home and had an accidental nap. Woke up, watched the news and contemplated all the terrible things happening in the world. I had a work out session in the evening. I am not a barbie type person, but today during my session we giggled about random unimportant things, because I think it is just a coping mechanism. It’s a horrific situation in the world right now. My friend who had a baby texted me to join him on the walk with the baby. I did. We walked and talked and you know. I feel for him. He has a baby to look after, he has to be strong for him and his wife. I have no-one really. Noone who’s life depends on me at least. It shook me out of my depression a bit. All I have to be is unafraid to die.
Tuesday. I had two back to back pilates classes today. Compensating for the one I skipped yesterday. The war keeps going. We keep living. Somehow the weather didn’t get the memo that innocent people just 40 min flight away from me are being bombed. The day was sunny. A perfect spring. I did few key copies of my flat. One for mom, another for my friend. We met up to have a walk. The city looks beautiful in the sun. We went back to my place and watched some news. Another friend joined and 3 of us watched. I am Russian/German/ Lithuanian, my first friend is Lithuanian and my second friend is Russian born in Lithuania. We watched all sorts of news channels to see who is reporting what and the way they report it. And the scary reality is, that there are two sides who strongly believe in their idea of the truth. So strongly that they are willing to defend it “till the end”. I think it is very naive to think that this war will end soon. Honestly I am scared. Simple as. I know I have to think positive thoughts and imagine the best possible outcomes, so I try. Anger is like a hot coal in your hand, so I try to not be that. I hope we can tip the scale for the good.
Wednesday. My mom and her husband picked me up in the morning. We went to get my moms blood tests done and after had some left over cake at my place. I reached a point where I decided not to talk about politics as we were just getting into arguments. I really get it now how during history lessons we were told about brothers fighting each other in wars, sons turning on their fathers and vice versa. Division is the end of us. After all that I had an acupuncture session. I needed it. We had a chat with the specialist, she is from Brazil, she learnt Lithuanian and created her life from scratch here, I felt for her. The day was actually sunny and beautiful. I walked out of the acupuncture place and just kept walking. Admiring streets. My friend joined and both of us walked. I did a covid test in the evening for my flight. It is negative. A little victory. I take everything now. We finished watching love is blind Brasil and had some bbq ribs with a bit of red wine. I miss my sister. She is so different from me, when we quarantined together at the start of the pandemic she would come up with the things for us to do, something I would have not thought of.
Thursday. I woke up early and had a shower before going to pilates. I didn’t listen to the news today. After pilates my mom had an appointment for an MRI. I am so grateful we can check her health now. We had coffee and a little snack after, before she had to go to work. Little things I am grateful for. Regardless of what we believe, we love each other and I am leaving to Thailand in few days. Would not want to leave harbouring any negative feelings. Especially not in these times. I walked to the copy place where I always go if I need something printed out. It is right in the centre of Vilnius. The staff there is always young and constantly changing – students, but I have been going this same place since I’ve been one. I am grateful for the memories.
Friday. Day of the last preparations. Got a haircut, did my nails, got the final session of acupuncture. Said my goodbyes to mom and my girlfriends. Watched the reunion episode of love is blind. I am actually way more organised before travel than normal.
Saturday. I woke up early enough for me to attend 8:30am Pilates class. I wanted to say my goodbyes to my favourite instructor. I went home and finished packing afterwards. Margarita came over to chat and help me down with my suitcases. As I was going to the airport I realised that I left my GoPro in the pocket of my winter jacket which I didn’t pack, so I had to check in and quickly rush back home to get it back. Lucky that Vilnius is so small and I live 10 min away from the airport. I am flying via Helisinki today. Also my work booked me in business class so I am currently sitting in my own pod watching the map and the plane go in the opposite direction from what the travel map suggests. That is due to the war in Ukraine. Flights over Russia are not possible. I’m just glad I can still fly.
Sunday. Arrived in Phuket. Test and go to isolate. Can’t believe that I am here, especially after such comfortable travel. Counting my blessings and passing them forward.
- The fact that I could go back to work and fly over to Thailand.
Cheers with a glass full of mindful elephant!